Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)
How did you learn about it?: I saw on his phone a text message from her on 10.04.2022 then found whole chat in archive folder it seems it's been months. Last year he was on dating app 5 months after we started dating and were exclusive. I caught and him on that too, he expressed remorse and I moved on.
This episode I suspected there is something again. The behavior was similar to last year around the dating app thing, he got distant and occupied and not engaging. This is how I found out there is new thing.
I confronted him on this lady, he accused me of going through his phone again and mansplanied to me the need to fuck other people "sex drive and ego, etc".
I never had any issues with sex drive. I was supportive loving partner. We were talking about marriage and a kid.
We are not seeing each other anymore. Crazy enough I was still trying to fix things after finding out. He checked out long time ago , I was trying to revive dead relationship.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Empty, like I couldn't breath, like the ground was not stable enough, disgusted, ashamed, angry , hurt
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I wake up 2-3 times during the night, I have less appetite, I am tired and can not concentrate at work
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Self help guides and videos, crying, sleeping
What are your next steps?: I don't know. I don't know how to trust again. I don't know if I can be loved.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Rage, stupid, fool, hurt
What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Open your eyes. Listen to your gut early on. Don't let yourself get invested in someone that don't show real effort and caring back. And don't ignore red flags.
What else would you like to share?: I don't want to obsess over who the other person is. It doesn't matter. I didn't do anything. People need to be accountable and respectful if it's not working. Based on the text messages with her he is gaslighting her too. Didn't even bother to save her phone. I can't believe he archived her. I wonder why, how long. Where there others ?
Why stay if you are looking elsewhere?