fifty-six (56)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: He backed up his iPhone to my computer because he got a new one and I used software to recover all his deleted texts. Before that though I found many conversations with escorts and Craigslist hookups.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was extremely angry because he had been trying to make me think I was crazy and gaslighting me beyond belief. Then I felt sick to my stomach after I read the extent ofwhat hehad been doing to me. Then I felt like nothing I thought was reality was true. I couldnt believe anything or anyone and everyone was out to hurt me or trick me.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I was not able to sleep for a very long time because of nightmares. I am better now but still cannot sleep well.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I use a support group on Reddit, which be ridicules me for being a part of. Beyond that nothing. I am utterly alone besides him.

What are your next steps?: I've asked and begged for him to be transparent with me. He refuses. So I cannot trust him. He saw another escort 6 months later that I know of off sure, so I really really can't trust him. My next step is to leave. Heobviously doesn't care about me or what I need for trust and healing.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Numb

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To leave the first time you catch them and don't look back.

What else would you like to share?: That's it.