Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months
How did you learn about it?: I found an old phone and it was still connected to his messenger account. I knew something was happening or I would never have wanted to try and look at this old phone! I had seen them friend and unfriend each other on Facebook. I had met her once years earlier and instantly had a dislike for her. It was the first time both met her...my heart rejected her immediately.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I have stayed. I am happy. He’s is trying hard. I’m still worried she will be back. She popped up so many times. He’s had to block her so many ways. She even sent him a message and money through cash app! She’s even had her dad call him!!!!
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can stay up late googling stupid stuff about different ideas on the affair all night. Or stalking her pages...her peoples pages. It’s like cutting myself everyday and I can’t stop. I make myself think about my age versus her...my looks versus her. I also think about her family and how they accept such a piece of crap daughters actions.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Books, psychiatrists, Zoloft and podcasts lots of podcasts...they stop my overthinking
What are your next steps?: Continue to repair our relationship. I can’t wait until I get a year under my belt away from her. My holidays were a disaster last year. My kids saw the worst of me. It was the worst time of my life.
We are rebuilding day by day and setting aside old memories with a new building block.
We are completely different. My time with him and my kids is even more precious. His love for our kids more precious. I think he realized finally and I knew, we almost lost everything.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Resilient
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Let him go. Don’t beg. Don’t try and make sense. He will come out of the fugue and you can choose to stay or leave and he will be back or trying to get back. Your husband most likely will not leave you. But it’s painful and it’s full of doubt. You will never feel the same. You will fill happy again but it will be different. It can be better in some ways too.
What else would you like to share?: It’s not the sex, it’s the secret conversations, the complete other life you are excluded from. It makes you paranoid, I literally thought they might have plans to murder me! It seems crazy now, but In the middle of the storm you are grasping at literally any storyline.
She considered him cheating when he was with me. She would quiz him if he was wearing his ring. She was nuts about him cheating on her with other women too!
She actually got his initials tattooed on her. Is that the saddest thing you have ever heard? She had no shame and still doesn’t with him. It’s a little scary but she’s left me alone and my kids except for one time she called me acting like I had called her.
It feels so good to share this! I have told nobody.