Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months
How did you learn about it?: He woke up one morning (august 5th) and said he felt we needed to legally separate. He started hanging with "friends" that he never hung with a lot and was pulling away from me. I had asked several times along with his family members if there was someone else. He always told us no. on Sep 1st, I remembered his facebook account was linked to my email, so I got in there. And found messages between him and his friends girlfriend about the other woman who was also the friends ex girlfriend (the friend and other woman also have a child together). The message stated that they looked so cute together and fit well together. He still denied it when I showed him I had proof. Finally on Sep 6th, he told me the truth. The affair lasted maybe 2 weeks.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm still very angry. My life has been completely uprooted for myself and my kids and she walks around like she did nothing wrong. We are trying to work things out, but he is something else. He says he is gun shy on opening up completely to me because of how we were in a rut before everything happened. But he is home.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: yes. barely eat. can't sleep.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm going to a therapist. I vent. I try to talk to my husband. I dont think so. I'm still so angry and hurt.
What are your next steps?: I want to work things out with my husband. I know mistakes happen. But he is so hesitant on moving forward.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued
What emotions are missing from the list?:
What advice would you give to others in this situation?:
What else would you like to share?: Before the affair, we had hit a rut. I never wanted to go anywhere. I wanted to be home a lot. I get that was a mistake. And I know I should not always put my kids before my marriage. But he is the one that had the affair, so why is he so hesitant about repairing what he broke?