Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months
How did you learn about it?:
After a sudden and unexpected decision to end our marriage. Separation/divorce were never mentioned or threatened in our household. You don't just wake up one day and decide you don't want to be married anymore. Not without discussing it, or trying to face whatever uncomfortable conflict that comes with it.
My immediate action was to log into every one of his social media accounts and pull up the search history. There was one girl in particular (that he worked with) who was searched for excessively across every platform. It took 6 long months of questioning myself, and how awful of a spouse I must have been to just abandon -- my suspicions were finally confirmed from connecting the dots on an expensive (take-out) dinner delivery. After logging into the delivery service (website account) with his typical credentials, it painfully showed every order, every restaurant, every meal, and every time food was delivered to her address.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:
The emotional pain and trauma that comes from the deceit behind infidelity is the ultimate form of destruction and chaos.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:
Nothing is the same. Stress and anxiety eating away at me has become the new normal.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:
Seeking balance and peace to move on. Surrounding myself with people who lift you up and remind you who you are on the days you forget definitely helps.
What are your next steps?:
A child time-sharing plan and equitable distribution of the marital assets through mediation before finalizing our divorce.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):
Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible
What emotions are missing from the list?:
chaos, confused, crushed, defeated, despaired, insecure, resentful, silenced,
What advice would you give to others in this situation?:
Stop, breathe, and challenge yourself with a different internal dialogue. Practice that. Choose a useful story. Your brain needs to learn that it can generate a new dialogue. Go through it but let go of that sad emotion that holds you back. I'm told that's when the magic happens.
What else would you like to share?:
We can either have what we want, or have the stories of why we don't have what we want.