Title: A forbidden marriage
Your Story: We have been married for 14 years this coming June. We both are workaholics but we have a nice house land and cattle and thought we had a wonderful life. This is the third marriage for both of us. With this marriage we both feel a draw or a commitment to each other which is different from our past relationships. We don't understand it it's just different and there's a link between us that we can't understand. I can't really say that it's love at this point. To say a little bit about me the wife. I'm a workaholic I have an addictive personality. He probably is only addicted to work and money and making it. Both of us in the past have cheated and we describe it as feeling empty inside. But this is the first time we both have been caught and have to deal with it. It was November 29th 2021 and my daughter worked for my husband and paid for our phone bill when she noticed a whole lot of texts to one particular lady that we both knew. My husband was working for her and we all knew her from being around town. I looked at the phone bill and he had been texting and calling her for two and a half months but also working for for two and a half months. It was obvious there were more t Texas then there was work to do. I confronted him and he said it was just a business text and then he kind of changed it to we're friends because you're never home and she listens to me then of course as it rolled on I noticed from the Texas that he was pursuing her she was 10 years older than him. He admitted to seeing her a handful of times and telling her that our marriage wasn't much of a marriage because we were never spending time together so obviously he was grooming her. I made him take a polygraph. To my surprise what came out on the polygraph is about 7 years ago he slept with someone on two occasions and it was sex only. And with this particular girl that he was texting he kissed on the cheek twice and tried to kiss her on the lips but she didn't respond on one occasion and the polygraph verified this. I was absolutely blindsided and horrified that 7 years ago my husband slept with somebody twice. So to deal with the sleeping of the lady twice it was his hairdresser who was 70 years old and he at that time would have been 45. I was absolutely mortified. And his reasoning was I was never there and I admit that and I admit that I never slept with him because I didn't want to and he didn't turn me on. So the hairdresser offered sex and he agreed. She went over to him after he agreed they begin kissing and she fondled him outside of his pants to get him hard. Then she took him to a another room of her hairdressing studio and they got on the couch she took off her pants only nothing else he didn't take off his pants completely just pulled them down left his shoes on did the deed and got up and left. Then at his next monthly appointment the hairdresser asked him if he wanted to have a quickie and of course he agreed and basically it happened the same way and at that time he told her this has to stop. My husband told me that he felt disgusted with himself and a little grossed out because of the age difference but he wanted to feel somebody because he needed love or somebody to want him since I didn't which is true. Now all of this was confirmed on a polygraph. There was no other infidelity or flirting or anything until the current emotional affair he had with a client. With the second one he never slept with her and they only shared where he kissed her on the cheek twice and he tried to kiss her and she wouldn't respond back she kept her mouth closed and he figured out that she wasn't into him but I'm thinking it's because she was 10 years older than him and knew me and knew it wasn't right so I feel like she just wanted her work done and was going to play along with him just to get the work done on her rent home. It has been 5 months I have good days and bad days but mostly I have never been so sad and all my life I've lost a ton of weight and I feel sickened by who he had sex with and by the way she passed away a year ago of Alzheimer's. So my thought is that she had Alzheimer's and was hypersexual when she asked my husband to have sex. I have no excuses for him and he disgusts me. Also I do have to admit that when married to him we didn't really know how to be married and share a life because of our personalities so I never really shared anything with him I didn't really have sex with him in the 14 years we've been married I hardly even talk to him about my feelings so I'm working on a good marriage is all new to us right now. I also committed infidelity most of mine was just the texting and emotional stuff and a lot of kissing and with one man a little bit more but no intercourse. I did this on three different occasions in the past 14 years. I admitted my infidelity to try to start off with an honest start with my husband now since we are trying to rebuild. For some reason mine seems insignificant while his seems devastating. I had to know every little single detail of his infidelity and he doesn't want to know mine because it hurts too bad which I'm not real sympathetic with he knows enough to know that we both need counseling and individual counseling to figure out why we have been so distant from each other but married so long. I would welcome any feedback I have mostly bad days still after 5 months but I'm committed to trying to get over this. I can't imagine feeling this way for 2 years like the timeline says of when you feel healed. This is by far the worst experience I have ever had and all I want is to learn what true love is to learn how to be committed to one person and learn how to have a great marriage I forgot to add that I was gambling for 2 years which was the worst nightmare for my husband because of money however I traded the gambling for a man obviously or for another affair. I'm admitting to all of this because I only want to be better and he's admitting to what he did however I had to get the truth with the polygraph we want to get better we want to get whole we want to get spiritual and we want a good life.