submission fourty-six (46)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Called home. Wife picked up and answered with anger in her voice. She thought it was her affair partner calling. He was harassing her. She had broken up with him that same day. She confessed her 5-year long affair when i got home.

My wife had already been unfaithful 2 months into the relationship. Learned about it 18 months after. Got separated and got back together. Had 2 kids.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Disbelief. Shocked. Amazed that she had been keeping this secret for so long. Feeling i was living with someone i did not know at all - a stranger. Sense of failure.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Lost 35 pounds. Don't eat, No TV. Always thinking. Minimal sleep. Right brain is overactive. Left brain is almost shutdown.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Took some Paxil to reduce twisted pain in the stomach. Talked with a lot of people to understand what is happening. Friends, therapist, family members, wife.

What are your next steps?: We separated. She took an apartment. I stayed with the kids. Got involved with another woman. After 2 years, got back together with my wife. Took me 5 years to process. Then 17 years later. The kids left home. Suffered from PTSD. Did not know what triggered this. Saw a therapist. 2 years into this and still not sure how to handle this. The sexless relationship with wife is unhealthy. Living with someone who betrayed me repetitively is affecting my self-confidence. I am 57 now. I need to move on...

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Sense of urgency. Life is short. Get going

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Take a break. Slow down time. Don't react on emotions. Let time help. Talk to people. Open your heart. Welcome change.

What else would you like to share?: The reveal of an adultery is a traumatic experience. It shakes every part of you. Your core values, your trust, your image, your hope, your confidence in yourself and in others.. After a while (1 year or 2), it also reveals the beauty of life. The immense suffering allows you to explore you inner self like nothing else. This is a unique opportunity to grow, to learn, to love.



submission fourty-five (45)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Went through husbands phone.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Betrayed. Hurt. Angry

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Can’t eat or sleep.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Praying. Not working.

What are your next steps?: Counseling. Working through it with husband.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Stay strong and pray.

What else would you like to share?:

submission forty-four (44)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: The mistress contacted me on Messenger.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I feel like roadkill that is going to live, but will not return to normal.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I lost all sense of routine, and motivation.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

MJ, kind of.
New relationship, not really.
Doing whatever I want, neutral results.

What are your next steps?: 

Pray, take care of my body, seek emotional and psychological help

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Vengeful, lost, broken, suicidal, insecure, unattractive, crazy...

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Realize you are not the only one going through this right now. Find a support group or blog for your specific type of situation, realize this may be God rescuing you, so focus on God and your kids.

What else would you like to share?: 

Things were pretty good, compared to a lot of other relationship problems I'd experienced. I fully trusted his claims of loyalty.
He started being less content gradually, with no justification. Finally he started having episodes of 'crazy'.
I thought he had some physical illness, with psychological side effects. I stopped arguing, and began trying to save our marriage and refresh his image of me.
He started introducing the 'D' word into "his" arguments, but no basis for his discontent. I tried even harder to be perfect.
He went on a months long business trip to Japan. He limited our communication, then deleted his Facebook account. I begged, cried to him, accused him...etc. He just got mad and mean and more distant, all while pimping himself out on Tender, in Japan, and having affairs. His main affair realized he was a Narcissist, after hacking his phone and comparing his stories to our text messages...etc.
So she gathered evidence and contacted me on Messenger.
We are now divorced.
I will never be the same.

submission forty-three (43)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Social media

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I feel broken, flip inside out. I mostly feel everything and nothing simultaneously. I keep asking what is wrong with, why am I not enough. I feel like I cannot function while doing the simplest of tasks.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

Sleeping is difficult and when I do sleep I dream about it

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I just keep moving. If I stop my brain just clicks all the pictures in my head of him with someone else. The inner dialogue begins asking what did I do, how can I fix it? How can the person I love not care about how I feel. I tell myself keep moving and focus on anything else.

What are your next steps?:

 I don’t know that is the difficult issue. The mind tells me to end it and my heart says I love him

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: 

The love doesn’t just stop... failure is palpable like a persistent throb of pain you can’t shake

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

submission forty-two (42)

Title: Trust No One

Well I knew something wasn’t rite in fall of 2016 but I kept getting off of these red flags so i told my self it’s times to play private eye cause I knew I had a spy in my circle of friends so I told 2 people 2 different stories and I need and another person so I told my sister. So I started to notice that the things I was telling my sister was starting to came back thru my husband and I started to think he had my cell phone tapped because he knew too much.....so Christmas of 2016 came and went and I told my sister that a woman had called my phone for my husband and when I said that to her that’s when all my eggs started to come in my basket cause I only told her this cause she was my 3 person I need to check my circle and the person I thought it was I never told her say early 2017 I noticed my sister had stop talking to me for a few weeks but I didn’t think nothing of it until I went to a family gathering and she treated me so bad like I did something to her .....So I told my other sister what was going on and she said how would you feel if it was her (my oldest sister) and I was like no way she wouldn’t do do me like that and it all came full circle Friday February 11 2017 that I found out my sister and my husband had betrayed me when I confronted him about it he lied but I had all the facts and when I confronted her she hung up on me and blocked my phone number it’s been 2 years since this happened i finally decided that enough is enough I’m filing for a divorce as of June 3 I put everything aside for my youngest child to graduate from high school and it’s been a rough 2 years but I got thru it with Gods grace I’m ready for all of this to be over cause I learned you can heal your self if you stay with the person who broke you.......

submission forty-one (41)

Title: I am realizing that my husband had an affair 55 years ago.I feel angry, hurt and jealous

I am 85 years old. To pass time I got out my diaries.Now I am putting two & two together.I had 3 babies in 3
years and I was so involved with them that I just kind of let my husband do his own thing. It all seemed just
fine then but as I put actions together now, i see that it was an affair.

It started on July 13, 1962.I was expecting him home at 9:30.He was a bank VP in a a small midwestern
town and they closed at 9:00 on Friday nights.That night there was no phone call and no husband until
3;30.I was pregnant and had walked the floor for hours.Slapped him when he came in and went to bed.

I asked him the next day if a girl had been involved. He said NO. I found out that the lovely, blond teller
in the bank fantasized over him.I also found out that she invited 2 other male coworkers and 2 other
gals to see her new apartment. Before long it was just the two of them there alone. I am convinced that
a 7 month affair started that night.He gave her up when my 3rd baby was born but since I never realized
what was going on I just look back and see that it did end then.

During their affair he always had reasons for being two hours late from work and convincing stories of
meetings he needed to attend and occasionally he would say he was going out for a drink with the boys.

What bothers me is------where would they go and what did they do? I am thinking that they had sex every
time they were together. There were people in her apartment so I picture them in one of the many
Minneapolis, Minnesota bars that had facilities for lovers.My husband is also 85 now and we have had
55 normal, happy years. He has had a stroke and does not remember much but he does remember a 
lovely gal named Dagney and doing things with her. Please, just tell me what they did in 3 or 4 hours
and where they probably went. Did they just get together for sex or did they go to movies and go
shopping? Please, just give me your opinion. Thanks so much I probably should not add my name?

submission forty (40)

Title: PTSD and Infidelity w/Prostitutes

Your Story: I can't hate them.

I cannot hate the women but the man I loved for 20 years took into his arms laid down in bed with enjoying his body to....they're slaves.

Paid to do what he told them to do they were then thrown away into the night... Or into the hot afternoon sun when he toss them out of the apartment he kept just for this purpose...behind my back...hidden.

They were tossed away because to him they were not people....

And neither was I.

But I believed I was. I believed I was the one woman he loved, I built so much of my life around that but it wasn't real to him. To him I was the year 1 to 20 prostitute and nothing more.

Standing in our kitchen with a student in my office waiting to study for his SATs, he told me....deep in the throes of an OCD crisis, he told me....'"you took your granddaughters to the Grand Canyon and to Las Vegas on vacation. It made me so mad. I was stuck in Frankfurt airport and you wouldn't pick up the phone. It made me so mad. ... That was the last word I heard before my world fell apart...

I was so mad that I went to the hotel and I called for a prostitute. 

You what!  

My head was spinning he was completely unreal. It was as if I was standing on a ceiling and looking down at the dead me.

"They sent a Black girl" ---a woman, I corrected him, I was always correcting him that no one who's an adult is a girl we are women...." She did oral sex, they all do oral sex you know- his reproach because I- and she didn't do it right and the condom broke and she had sores in her mouth and now I think I have herpes and syphilis and maybe I have HIV....." Then he unzipped his pants and showed me the sores....

And I threw up.

he wanted me to look at what it happened to him because he had betrayed me but betraying me didn't matter at all to him.

20 years being faithful to him and building good hedges around us or so I thought

I didn't know.

2 months later I learned the rest when he revealed I've actually been going to prostitutes all 18 years it never stopped.

How much better it would have been if he had just killed me. Or if he hit Steph Curry shot me because those would have been wounds they could have heels.

But he catches my soul... Three years later there's nothing left who I was. And it doesn't get better... That's a lie. ..that's a platitude we tell people really don't want to hear their pain. That's what we tell people but it's not true.

you when I didn't reject him, when I didn't leave him, he became emotionally abusive to the point where every morning I woke up I knew that today would be filled with his horrible comments, his vile speech to me, his anger and sometimes his wrath.

And that never changed. 

Until finally after two-and-a-half years I became brave enough to leave him.

But it isn't better still.

To invest 20 years of your life in a relationship and to devote yourself to one person, one man will need to be thrown away... And then belittled by him and by friends that you thought were friends who say that what you're experiencing is nothing more than jealousy..

.... This isn't death all over again.

This is three trails who You are 5 people I don't want to know I don't want to care because you care would mean to judge... They don't know this sometimes it's right to judge.

I don't want life anymore.

If I had the incurable illness euthanasia wiould be by right. But this too is an incurable paid, it will never get better oh, it never gets better at the matter what I do it only gets worse.

I want freedom for the pain.

Aunt returned who I was before... It was never be again.

How can one person hate another so much the cause that pain?

"A daliance" the therapist we saw just one time before he refused to ever go back to any therapist ever again cold the single act of prostitution crippled me I'm gutted me and destroyed me. "A daliance". Instead of what it really was a poisoning, I just struction, a betrayal.... The psychologist to apologize later. he done the same to his wife and he wasn't willing to use words The condemned himself.

That again you didn't know with just a few days after I'd learned that this wasn't one time it was 18 years.

"Just get another man" that's what he told me after I moved out when I play script suddenly the full throes of PTSD... For he replaced me before I moved out with another relationship....and tried hard to shock me by Steven together it was angered with his plan didn't work. So angered that he threw boxes marked fragile on the ground intentionally trying to break China pictures, things that mattered.... He didn't know that nothing mattered anymore. And he was happy so everyone is happy for him.

I was sad. Even my own daughter rejected me because she didn't want to be around sadness... It seemed unstabled her to pee still sad because all he did of course was go to prostitutes.

All he did.... And she would not reject him now. He will be in our life forever she said he and whatever woman he's with will be in our life forever because you made him a part of our life even though he is not her father.

Her father died.

This man never became my husband and never became my children's father but she wanted one so badly that she's grabbed onto him does she loves his happiness because to her happiness is stable. She trusts happiness.  

And her ejection of me was the final nail... I did not want to live.

But I don't know how to die.

submission thirty-nine (39)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: 

Went into her Facebook acct and looked up the search history

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:

 I’ve felt confusion and sadness every single day since I found out

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

Changed a lot, still can’t get enough sleep and not eating like I used to

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

Had a long talk with her the day she admitted it, we decided to stay together and work it out...is it working?? Not really because she is putting in all the effort but it’s me that I just can’t move on, I simply don’t trust her anymore

What are your next steps?: 

Marriage counseling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

If you’re going to forgive and move on together make sure you really mean it

What else would you like to share?:



submission thirty-eight (38)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

Viewing cell phone bill. Repeated numbers appeared and I brought it to his attention and was denied the truth. His affair partner called me and blew up my world.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

It’s been 2 1/2 years and after all the continued lies, blame-shifting, and gaslighting I’m suffering. Anger, sadness, anxiety, hyperviglience and so many more feelings. I hate these feelings, but even on my best days there’s an overwhelming feeling of craziness.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

Don’t sleep without taking pills. I’ve lost 30 lbs and I’m now well under 100lbs. I have developed some twitching.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

Anxiety coping strategies, trying to find gratitude in the small things.

What are your next steps?: 

I gave it two plus years and at this point I may need to start a new life. It’s terrifying since I’ve been a stay at home mom for four boys.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disbelief, devalued, untrusting

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

It’s a process there is no avoiding or swallowing all the emotions. It takes time. Allow yourself all the time you need.

What else would you like to share?: 

I’m a stay at home mom and raised four wonderful sons. My marriage if 28 years was blown apart August 2016. I found out that while my husband was driving a cab as a part time job he was carrying on a long term affair with a literal crack whore. He was transporting her for free in trade for sex. He was giving her money for drugs in trade for sex. He also brought her and her friend into my home and bed, when I was away with my two boys. He bought them drugs and brought them into our home. I also found out that he was watching a lot of porn during this time. My husband has always been a liar and manipulator and that had corroded our relationship over time. After a lot of reflection and education it appears he may have a personality disorder. He lacks empathy for his actions and that’s just something I can’t live with. I’m beyond scared because I’ve been a stay at home for 24 years. My husband recently lost his business and now if I sue for divorce I will have nothing. My home is an inch from foreclosure. So in two years I will have lost everything. I’m currently trying to get a job but my ptsd is interfering with forward thinking actions. I’m lost and tired... so tired. Betrayal Causes destruction of families and people’s feelings of self. If anyone has any suggestions on services that might be helpful please let me know.

submission thirty-seven (37)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: 

Looked through his phone after I felt something was off

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I felt devastated when I read them. I instantly threw up. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I still feel that way from time to time when I think about it. I feel worried and feel the constant need to be reassured

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I lost 30 lbs within 2 months. I don’t eat normal now. Sleeping is getting better but when I worry to much I can’t sleep

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I really don’t have a method. I just try to reassure myself that it will all work out and that he is doing the right thing like he tell me he is. Most of the time I can calm down but the worrying never goes away

What are your next steps?: 

I feel like I may need to speak to a therapist about PTSD

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

That you need to trust your gut. And talk about your feeling with your partner

What else would you like to share?: Infidelity is one of the worst things to go through. Your whole sense of the world gets twisted. Trust is gone. Your self esteem is gone. Your relationship as it once was is gone.