Title: I was unfaithful
Your Story: I’m 32, married for 2 years to my husband who I’ve been with for about 8 years. He is amazing- handsome, very loyal and hard working. Patient. It wasn’t enough for me. I have always been very impulsive and sought validation from men- I’ve never had a consistent male presence in my life. My dad left when I was 3, battled addiction his whole life and passed away 6 years ago.
I started a new role at a great company last March 11of 2019. What began as a great rapport turned into friendship. Few years older, also married; new dad to a 2 month old at the time. Similar background, just overall lots to bond over. I leaned over his desk one day and said let’s go for a drink, what’s the worst that can happen? We both cite that as the biggest misstep we could’ve taken. We went for a drink, kept drinking and finding more commonalities; “don’t you hate when X does Y?”
We kissed. We more than kissed. It happened very quickly. The more we spent time together after work, the harder it became to stop. Didn’t help I saw him daily. He was always in the forefront of my mind. Things progressed and at one point came to a halt after a blowout argument; albeit a mere 2 - 3 week halt. It felt like a lifetime. I withdrew more and more from my husband, he from his wife. Sex with our spouses was infrequent; boring and a chore compared to with each other. Resentment grew when occasions with our spouses came up; how dare you spend time with your own family over me. You slept with him/her? It started to feel like it was us cheating on each other as opposed to the obvious us cheating on them. We’ve endured birthdays, anniversaries, mothers and fathers days. It’s now been almost a year and a half of this- it is taking a toll. My mental health has disintegrated. He says the same of his wife. My husband is so worried. I don’t sleep, have panic attacks. How do I leave this man who has become all I know? How do I unlearn this love and fall back in love with my husband who deserves more of a woman I am capable of being? Why am I so shit? Why did I break my vows? I’m sorry if this is incoherent. I’ve never written this all down before. I wish this never happened. Now things are coming to a head and we know it is high fucking time we break it off. It seems impossible. Jealousy is crippling and the thought of him with her turns my stomach. The sight of myself in the mirror lately does the same. How can I be so selfish? What the fuck did I do to these lives involved? What now? Pretend nothing happened and all of a sudden be a good wife? I’m just confused.